Giving this a try...

In the past when I've tried to lose weight, I'd say to myself, "I'm not going to say a word to anyone - it'll just be a surprise!" Well, I think what I was really telling myself was more like, "I'm not going to say a word to anyone - that way if (when) I fail, no one will know I was even trying."

The definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. This is me trying something different.

If I make it public... vulnerably public... I have to be accountable. I have to be honest.

So, this is my attempt to record and account for my actions. I will update as often as I can. Hopefully, this blog will list daily food choices, exercise, weight loss/gain, and a bit of a diary. I'm not going to worry about how perfect my writing is... I'm too busy worried about taking care of myself - not my writing.

My baby-step goal #1:

Lose 15 pounds. Sounds simple, right? HA! I've fluctuated back and forth 10 pounds, but can't seem to lose more than that. I feel this first step is going to be HUGE for me. Once accomplishing this, I hope to be in the right frame of mind to continue to baby-step goal #2...

Baby-step goal #2:

Get to 200 pounds. I've tried saying my second goal should be to weigh under 200 pounds, but simply reaching it is a feat. I haven't weighed less than 200 pounds since the summer after high school. I think I need to tackle some emotional demons tied to that time period before I can physically be back to that weight.

Baby-step goal #3:

Reach pre-pregnancy weight. This is about 175-180 pounds. I imagine it will be hard to reach this goal, but hopefully seeing goals #1 & #2 "checked" off my list, I can kick it in gear. I should be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel from here!

Baby-step goal #4:

Reach 150 pounds. I weighed in about 145 my freshman year of high school. My mom told me once that I "hide my weight well." I know I will never be a size 0, or weigh 110 pounds. Being 150 would make me very happy.

Baby-step #5:

Be able to wear size 14 jeans. To me, the true way to measure weight loss is your jeans size. I'm embarrassed at the size I wear now, but I guess if I want my blog-s'periment to work, I should own up to the fact I just bought size 22 "big girl" jeans a few weeks ago.

And lastly, baby-step #6:

MAINTAIN. I don't ever want to be this size again. I don't ever want to walk into a store and not find pants that fit. I don't want to ever worry about standing on a step ladder at work and having it whence under my weight. I don't want people to see me as the "fat girl" - I want to be the "cute girl!" I don't ever want to worry about heart disease and diabetes due to what I eat. I want to be fit, and I want to be healthy.

So, here we go!